Sparkling Vampires Playing Baseball!

[hyena_gal]

I've watched "Twilight".

Now, now -- please take into account that I subjected myself to this for purely 'scientific reasons': as a vampireholic, I simply *had* to do it. See, I am a person who will go near anything with vampires in it, short of... hardcore porn, I guess. But there was also this curious need to look at a worldwide phenomenon that has girls of all ages squealing their heads off in fannish joy.  

Well, first of all, as I dutifully did my homework and read the book before seeing the movie, I can at least say that the movie is very faithful to the written material it's based on. I mean, it's a scene by scene depiction of the book, so... yeah, no surprises waiting for anybody who happens to have read it before seeing the film. Just saying.

Secondly - no, Twilight wasn't horrible. It was very *funny*! XD If not anything, Twilight is quite amusing in its sheer ridiculousness!

From the scene of 'Fun Time' with Edward & Bella, which consists of climbing trees and playing the piano, to the 'You Smell, New Girl' scene -- not to mention the scene where Bella's mother actually *buys* the explanation about her daughter having managed, in her Uber Clumsy Klutziness, to fall down a flight of stairs *and* crash through a window in a hotel (o_0), losing blood and breaking her leg as a result -- the movie is filled with enough LOL-worthy moments that it's hard not to snicker your way through it.

I say, instead of all the hating, sit back and enjoy the silly. I did.

*

I had heard the word 'sparkly vampire' in connection with Twilight before I started reading it. And of course my thoughts went along the lines of: Oh? Edward sparkles? Like, in a Ziggy Stardust, Velvet Goldmine glam rock sort of way?

The answer was... erh. No. No, he doesn't. His skin just... glitters. Thus making him extremely fearsome. Everybody in their right mind is absolutely terrified of sparkly skin, right?

Right?

*) Edward:

Ze Vampire Heart Throb who moodily "uhms" and "hms" his way through all his sentences, as well as provides much of the funny with his 'Intenz Glaring' at Bella and who looks like it's pure torture for him to just engage in conversation with his girlfriend 95% of the time. He reminded me an awful lot of Angel, if he had been more rude in BtVS S1. Hell, the two of them even have the same hair! XD

But, but, but. The boy provides gems such as these:

- "I feel very... *protective* of you." -- (*cough* to the point where I see nothing wrong in frequently stalking you and watching you sleep. *cough*)

- "This is the skin of a killer." -- glitterglittersparklesparkle!

- "You're like my own personal brand of heroin."

- "You better hold on tight, spider-monkey."

Oh, Edward, you make my day. :-) What the hell was Meyer thinking when she wrote those lines? XD

*) Bella:

Even though Isabella insists on being called Bella when she arrives in Forks, it is in fact because she doesn't want people to know her real name -- Mary Sue. Anybody who's read the book knows this. ;-) When this outsider girl isn't busy with being wooed by every single teenage guy she knows, she can dish up with a line such as this:

Edward: "I've killed people before."

Bella: "It doesn't matter."

Really? Are you serious? It 'doesn't matter'? You don't think "Maybe some theraphy for both of us would do some good" or "Yes, and that's probably something we should have a long talk about, but I'm willing to patiently listen to it" are more appropriate answers? But that it actually 'doesn't matter'? Bella is indeed an extraordinary girl, I must admit. ;-P

Edward & Bella have a lot to thank their success to the couple that precedes them -- Buffy & Angel, who had the exact same sexual tension, forbidden love dynamic going on which was fundamental to their relationship. It is undoubtedly at work again in this fandom, but with an important difference: whereas Buffy was a Slayer and therefore (even if she kept putting it off) at least strong enough to kill Angel should he get too cheeky, Bella is pretty much at Edward's mercy, which... funny enough, most people do not find more creepy than romantic. Maybe it's just me... o_o

*) The Vampires - the Cullens:

Vampires, anno 2009, are portrayed in Twilight as the 'Golden Family'. They are the popular students, gorgeous, perfect and rich, and being accepted into this family of demi-gods for an 'ugly duckling' such as Bella, having had to act the role of mother for her own mother all her life and continues to do so in the same vain with her father, is like a too good dream come true.

It's a return to being the child that she has never had the chance to be, which also seems to be the case for all the other Cullen kids. These teenagers *aren't* teenagers -- but they keep acting like it, even when they are by themselves and aren't around humans. Creepy thing, again.

The concept of 'vampire families' (seen in Near Dark, Interview with the Vampire, Angel, etc.), is first introduced in "Dracula" (more than one vampire under one roof) and is something which will keep popping up in vampire stories and movies for years to come later on, although it may be more accurate to call what Vlad had a 'harem' (yet, it only serves to prove the old bloodsucker may not have been the brightest of his race: "Should I stay in my castle with three hot vamp women -- *or* travel to London in some stupid attempt to take over the world? Hmm... decisions, decisions.") Even though some of us might find it a no brainer...

If there is one concept the 'vampire family' seems to emphasise, it's one of the greatest fears man has ever had -- not dying, as most people maybe would like to think. But being left all alone.

What else? Meyer has obviously also decided to ignore the most commonly accepted signs of vampirism, since she, in a bratty sort of defiance, has her vampires:

- able to have a reflection in mirrors.

(It's first after the release of "Dracula" that the idea of vampires not having a reflection in mirrors took root.)

- unaffected by sunlight, despite that pesky sparkle side effect.

(Again, first after "Nosferatu" had been filmed that the idea of vampires being destroyed if exposed to sunlight took root.)

- have no fangs.

(The only thing I can think of is that they didn't want the actors running around with prosthetic fangs or something...)

- able to have their photograph taken.

(We've seen that this is also possible in the Buffy and Angel-verse)

And because Twilight is a thing that can only be taken seriously, here's two videos that hit the tone pretty well, I think: